Loss, Life and Philosophies


#1

A very close friend I knew for over 35 yrs died recently. It’s been very hard on me, in part because his family and I are not close. They did not even tell me he died. Found out from a newspaper obit. I had hoped to reach him last week but couldn’t. I feel like I’m grieving alone. Missed the funeral. He was cremated, so no gravesite to visit. Feels like I took a detoured dead-end.

Plus, I’ve always had vivid “death dreams” right before, the day of, or just after a death-- even when I had no idea beforehand that a person was sick. With him, though, nothing. Has me rethinking everything I thought about those kinds of dreams with people I was close to in life.

I’m angry too. He was receiving “experimental” cancer treatments. Last year, he was given a well-advertised med that he later said almost killed him – so they stopped it. Without it, the shrunken tumor at 1% increased by 25%. So they put him back on the med that almost killed him. Within 1 week, he was again weak, could not walk, confused (like before). And 6 days later, dead. I want to call the FDA as an advocate to report the med— but I’m not family. That med seems to be a very strong poison, IMO.

A deeply philosophical kitty,

cc


#2

Sad Kitty, Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your friend. - bob


#3

So sorry for the lose of such a close friend to you cageycat, I wish I had the right words to comfort you but I can offer up my prayers for you along with lots of kitty hugs image


#4

So sorry . That part of grieving where you miss the person who has left has always flattened me out. Hugs and prayers and thoughts are with you.


#5

So sorry for the loss of your friend, cagey. It must have been a shock to find out they way you did. I wish words could fill that empty spot in your heart and ease the pain of your loss. So I send a few hugs for you instead.


#6

.

Thanks, truly.

Life goes on as they say. I’ll be all right.


#7

@cageycat Sorry to hear of the loss of your friend, like Em I wish I had the right words… Sending healing thoughts and prayers in your direction…


#8

Thanks everyone.


#9

Thinking


#10

Good Grief! What a picture! I used to have nightmares from a 1930’s movie that showed a black leopard springing from the mantel of an African fireplace onto a woman coming into the room. Scared the living jebbers out of me for years. This picture though shows how magnificent this cat is. Beautiful.


#11

Lots of life to ponder. :mountain:


#12

The poor kitty! It looks so sad because it ran out of tokens for the “spinning ride”! :smirk:


#13

My sister called last night. She and her husband went to FL for a vacation. She woke up Sat morning to find her husband had died during the night. (What an awful event to go through!)

I had just left a message at her house two days before to find out about our other sister. And Friday, I had called florists in her city to find out if anyone had flowers our grandmother and mother had loved. I just had a feeling my sister would like to receive them… Weird. (no death dream, but “get flowers” urge).

This sis had both hips and both knees replaced, so she really relied on her husband. They’d also just moved and bought a new house in 2014 I think. I don’t know how she’ll manage now. She’s never been truly alone.

Glad 2017 is almost done. Enough with people I know dying.


#14

I’m sorry to hear about your family, Cagey.
And yes, 2017 will soon be over.


#15

Thanks Kate. Wish I knew more about both sisters right now.


#16

I’m so sad to read about your loss. Just know that I am thinking about you and praying for comfort for you and your family. Be strong, this awful year it’s almost done. lots of hugs


#17

I sorry for your loss, Cagey. That was an awful way for your sister to find her husband. A close friend of ours had the same thing happen to her. After putting their 3 children to bed, the husband wanted to finish watching the movie he had started watching, so his wife went to bed, She woke up around 6 AM and found him lying on the floor with clenched fists - and stone cold. After she called 911, she called our house. My wife got there before the ambulance, calmed he a little and brought the 3 kids back to our house. Jim was my best friend, gone at 33 years old. I still visit his grave every so often. You know, that happened about 30 years ago and I still think of him out of the clear blue sky. Nothing in particular seems to trigger his memory - it just happens.
I will pray for your sister - and you, Cagey. Warm, tight, hugs.


#18

@cageycat, @Jim7… I could never find the words to show my condolences, not even in my first language… let alone english! I feel I’m falling short when I write I’m sorry for your losses. I feel them, and am sorry about you having to go through that feeling. I’ve somehow already learnt, however, that both of you are not only strong people, but probably more important… capable of projecting that strength, sharing it with others, use it to support not just yourselves but also other ones. For that, I’m glad and thankful. For your losses (be them recent or afar), I feel for you and all those related, family, friends, who suffer from it. I hope any open wounds will heal as quick as possible and become that lumpy scar that doesn’t hurt anymore and just makes you smirk at the remembrance of those good old times when you accidentally touch it.

(And yes, it was an awful year. Count me in for the list of those wishing for it to end!)


#19

Yeah, @Stilman_Hector_Danie and @Jim7 I think because we feel so deeply, we can imagine the horror of the discovery itself, and empathize with what the living feel.

In my other role in hospitals/nursing homes, I was supposed to know how to react when walking into a room and finding someone near death or dead. Code had to be called regardless, except if there was a DNR order. But it wasn’t ‘clinical’, at least it wasn’t for me.

I can still remember each of the people specifically, and recall my inside reaction vs my outside reaction with each of them. I had a feeling of futility and loss and as if ‘split’ with my outside trying to bring them back as I was trained to do, versus my insides opening my heart to ‘letting’ their spirits go. (sounds weird, sorry). The worst one for me was the man in the corner room, in the same room and bed number my dad had occupied before he died a decade before. Had to push that memory far away and act for the man in front of me.

My sister has a similar, maybe even bigger, feeling heart than mine. She nearly falls apart physically with being distraught. (I act and fall apart later.) I took a chance and called a funeral home in her town to ask how long a body is kept when in another state. I happened to pick the right mortuary; my sister had just been there. So she’s home and her husband’s body will be flown back today. The funeral director said she was beside herself in grief. Nothing I can do or say to help her. (She isn’t answering her phone.)

I don’t “go on with life”, as if nothing has happened, because of my feeling heart. It’s hard for me to put people out of mind, even if the person or persons aren’t my family. That’s what Jim is talking about with his old friend. I feel it even about Argentina’s lost crew…


#20

THAT is what marks the difference between a simple human and a person. The humane quality.

I’m glad and proud of having met people like you guys.

(I’m sorry, I’m short on words, going myself through an emotionally crappy moment right now, hope you get what I mean)