A very close friend I knew for over 35 yrs died recently. It’s been very hard on me, in part because his family and I are not close. They did not even tell me he died. Found out from a newspaper obit. I had hoped to reach him last week but couldn’t. I feel like I’m grieving alone. Missed the funeral. He was cremated, so no gravesite to visit. Feels like I took a detoured dead-end.
Plus, I’ve always had vivid “death dreams” right before, the day of, or just after a death-- even when I had no idea beforehand that a person was sick. With him, though, nothing. Has me rethinking everything I thought about those kinds of dreams with people I was close to in life.
I’m angry too. He was receiving “experimental” cancer treatments. Last year, he was given a well-advertised med that he later said almost killed him – so they stopped it. Without it, the shrunken tumor at 1% increased by 25%. So they put him back on the med that almost killed him. Within 1 week, he was again weak, could not walk, confused (like before). And 6 days later, dead. I want to call the FDA as an advocate to report the med— but I’m not family. That med seems to be a very strong poison, IMO.
A deeply philosophical kitty,